Own To Obtain Page 2

  Rozalia shook her head again, an expression of regret on her face. “I’m not a true friend to you, Kardos. Friends listen to each other, friends are on equal footing. We are not. You are my shinno and tribe leader—and now my chief—I do what you say and argue for you and defend you, even when you behave badly. You do not want to hear my opinions or my advice when you choose not to. And as a chief, this is acceptable, but it works both ways.”

  Kardos clenched his fists. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying,” Rozalia began slowly, “that you are no longer the only one I must argue for and defend. You have a mate now, so we have a chieftess, and I must take her interests into account as I take yours. And I will not provide any potions to force her back here when she clearly does not want to be.”

  Kardos growled, taking a step toward Rozalia. She had shown herself to be difficult before but she had never so calmly refused to follow his orders. “So you won’t help return her to her home—where she is supposed to be?”

  “Returning her here is not my job,” Rosalia said bluntly. “It’s yours. I will not work against her. You should learn from the decision she made to leave.”

  “You cannot be suggesting that even if she refuses to return, I must let her go?” Kardos said, incredulous at her argument. “Because that will never fucking happen! I will drag her back here if I have to!”

  “I’m saying that my loyalty is to both of you, as it should have been the moment she bonded with you,” Rozalia said, her voice breaking. “And I know she would never forgive me if I helped you force her back here through the use of potions. She would much rather I use those ingredients to help our people survive the oncoming storms.”

  Kardos glared at her, ignoring the onset of her tears as a sharp realization descended. “How do you know she left willingly?”

  Rozalia’s eyes lowered and Kardos’ stomach dropped. “She asked me to help her leave when she woke up. I thought I had convinced her to stay but…”

  The fierce anger returned to his chest, revolving and spreading, uncontrolled. “So you should have been watching her closely, paying attention in case this happ—”

  Rozalia lifted her hand and the sight of an empty potion bottle forced him to cut off his words. “She did something to your bond, didn’t she?” The older woman seemed to age before his eyes, her face becoming almost slack. “That’s why you’re so desperate.”

  For the first time, Kardos didn’t know how to respond. He hadn’t told anyone about the fact that there was a large gnawing emptiness in his chest where the sunshine of Shaya had been. He didn’t want to face what it meant because the feeling it inspired in him was one he had rarely felt. It was worse than anger, worse than embarrassment or feelings of inadequacy. It inspired fear. “Can you reverse it?”

  “I don’t have time to examine these remains to figure out how to,” Rozalia said, tilting the bottle. “But even if I did, I cannot use it to help you force her back here or correct whatever she did with the bond she doesn’t want.”

  Kardos clenched his fists and glared at her, unable to believe what he was hearing. “You are within your rights to disagree and refuse my orders on those grounds, Rozalia—she is indeed your chieftess too. But by refusing my instruction and being unwilling to help in any way, you are choosing to keep us apart. And that I cannot abide. Shaya cannot decide she doesn’t want the bond—it was her decision to create it in the first place and regardless of what has happened. She has no right to interfere with it.”

  “She was desperate,” Rozalia said evenly. “She left because you showed her no care. I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t true, but she almost died, Kardos.”

  “She would never have died!”

  “I know that you truly believe that, but she—”

  “Enough, Rozalia!” Kardos bellowed. “If you will not help, then after these blizzards pass you will be expelled from this tribe. I will not justify my actions to a potionist who will not do as instructed.”

  “I have done everything you have ever asked,” Rozalia hissed, anger flaring in her eyes even as her chin trembled.

  “And yet now, when it is about returning Shaya to me for the betterment of our bond, you refuse! When she is the only thing that matters!”

  Rozalia glared him, her breath heavy. “Even more than the seat?”

  Kardos’ jaw clenched. “The seat matters because of our people. It doesn’t compare to Shaya. I already told you we are true mates, so refusing to help me is a betrayal to us both.”

  The hardness is Rozalia’s eyes slowly faded as she exhaled. She looked again at the bottle. “I don’t have time to examine this properly to try to reverse it,” she muttered. “I don’t even think I could. No one I know would even attempt something like this, let alone do it successfully.” A small smile appeared on her face as she stared at the bottle. “She is an extremely powerful potionist.”

  “A potionist who would be happier here.”

  With a sigh, Rozalia uncorked the bottle and sniffed it, and then held up the bottle to the light to peer at the dregs. “I think can use elements of existing potions I have to reconnect you in some way, maybe in short bursts. It won’t restore the bond, but it might help you find her.”

  “Reconnect us how?”

  “Your bond and the potion is unique to you both. I might be able to create a potion that acts as some kind of bridge between you, but with the blizzards coming—”

  “Do it,” Kardos ordered, turning on his heel to leave the room. “I want it as soon as possible.”

  “Kardos.” The strangled sound in Rozalia’s voice made him stop. “There is only so much anyone can do. Shaya’s decision to return rests solely on you, just like her decision to leave. If she is really your true mate, you shouldn’t need potions at all. You should be able to return her with just you—nothing else.”

  Kardos shot her a dark look before heading out of the room, a strange feeling twisting in his chest as his anger fled. He tried to shake it off as he climbed the stairs to his bedroom, but as he approached his empty bed, the feeling expanded.

  Rozalia had been a member of Tribe Nyek since she was born and had the same ambitions he did… to be the best. It wasn’t as though he didn’t admire her for her skill and knowledge in almost all areas, though she probably didn’t realize he did. She may not consider him a friend, but she was the only person he had ever discussed certain things with, and was the one person who had given him guidance as he developed into the tribe leader and shinno he’d wanted to be. She had rarely been wrong, and yet he couldn’t believe what she said about Shaya wanting to leave him. There had to be something more to the reasons why she did things she’d done.

  Kardos came to stop by his bed, staring at it, his entire body tense. Shaya should be lying before him right now, the blankets tangled in her arms and legs as she turned to look at him with beautiful sleepy eyes. She should be sighing into his neck as he pulled her into his arms and melting under the force of his kiss as he held her.

  He shouldn’t be deprived of her, just like she shouldn’t be without him. When he was free to go after her, it would be with the all the force he could manage.

  He grabbed the pillow she always favored and pressed it to his nose, breathing in the beautiful fading scent of his little bird.

  And everything within him ached.

  CHAPTER TWO

  SHAYA

  Everything inside Shaya was slowly turning grey.

  She didn’t notice it at first. It was just a spark of oddness within the multitude of emotions that bounded through her as Kyus led her through a busy market in the strange land the portal had taken them to, her arm around Shaya’s shoulders as though afraid she would disappear. The noise and color of their surroundings distracted and startled her, causing her to cling closer to her sister, but within the space of a few more moments, they were stepping through another portal and into the living room of their home in the Western Lands.

  The powerful relief t
hat overwhelmed Shaya was so strong, she could barely stand, and prickly tears blurred her vision as she took in the familiar surroundings where she spent most of her life.

  Kyus hugged her tightly and looked over her carefully before releasing her. “We have so much to talk about, but we can’t stay here,” she said, briskly. “He will find us. You need to pack your things and be ready to leave within the hour. Meet me back here.”

  Shaya nodded and headed to her bedroom.

  It looked exactly the same as she left it—simple, neat, and organized—but it didn’t seem to fit her anymore. The bed was too narrow and the sheets too colorful, the pictures on the walls too simple and carefree, This was the room of a girl, and she wasn’t a girl anymore.

  Heading to her wardrobe, she paused at the window and all thought of Kyus’ instructions left her head as a delight shot through her body. Her gardens!

  Hurriedly, she made her way outside, eager to be within her own private sanctuary once again. Maybe it would make her feel better about everything that happened, maybe even help battle the odd feeling within her.

  As she entered the garden, she took a deep breath, inhaling in the rich, sharp, and familiar scents of the garden that she had missed so deeply. Although it seemed slightly overgrown, it looked very much the same. Her feet automatically took her deep into the thick and abundant greenery, and she noted the growth and flowering since the last time she’d been among it. She found herself at a small patch of earth where she’d spent the most time, between a bellflower bush, a fireroot shrub, and an oak tree. From this spot it was possible to see most of the gardens without easily being seen herself. She spent long hours in the early morning observing the wildlife, quiet and peaceful in her surroundings and thoughts. It was the one place she felt complete—where she was one with her gardens. And yet, as she settled down into her spot, the oddness inside her continued to expand.

  She quietened her thoughts and calmed her mind, watching her surroundings, but it wasn’t the same as it once was. The vibrancy, the energy, the excitement of being among her own patch of nature didn’t give her any peace, didn’t calm her emotions or settle her mind. In fact, everything felt dull.

  As she looked over her favorite place in the entire world, everything was changing to grey. The colors were still there, the animals, the insects; the environment was what it had always been. But it was greatly muted. The rich experience she once adored, the delight she used to automatically feel, was missing something, but she couldn’t decipher what it was. Was it her? Had she changed that much?

  She leaned against the oak tree, as she studied the feeling inside her, resting her head on its rough bark. It wasn’t like when her hair had been cut. At that time, she’d been distressed, and emotional, and distraught. It wasn’t like the clarity she had when she woke from nearly dying in the Discovery Mountains. No, this was something else.

  The strange greyness inside her was expanding, but she didn’t how to stop it. Maybe it was the absence of Kardos’ bond in her chest. Maybe it was the potion she had taken, but how could she know?

  At the thought of Kardos, the greyness intensified. The last time she felt delight, and vibrancy, and excitement about anything was when she had been with him. When he was with her, giving her his attention and making her feel like she was the only person in the world for him—when she thought he cared about her beyond her dynamic, when she thought he didn’t look upon her as a means to attain his ultimate goal. She had been a fool to believe anything else, and yet everything ached at the memory of his arms around her, his smile, his lips on hers, even his husky utterings of kysm eshar “little bird” when he was deep inside her. The emptiness of her chest ached with the echo of the potent force of everything he was. Her beast, her force of nature… gone.

  The sobs came upon her before she was even aware of them. And the greyness became thick and heavy inside her. She didn’t know how long she sat in her garden mourning the loss of what she knew she’d never have again. In more ways than one, he had contaminated everything, even her gardens.

  Kyus found her and tried to talk to her, but Shaya had no idea what she said. Her sister kissed her cheeks and helped her up from the ground, guiding her back to the house and into bed.

  But even sleep was difficult. How had she done this before? How could she ever sleep comfortably or soundly without the purring chest of her Alpha on top of her? Without the firm grip of a large hand on her ass? Without the pure, heady scent that soothed her deep to her core? It seemed impossible now. Shaya turned and tossed, praying for sleep that never came. By the time her sister re-entered, she was almost hysterical with the idea that this would be her life. He had ruined her completely. How was she to survive if she couldn’t be without him? If she needed him so desperately even to rest, how would she ever be free?

  “Shaya,” Kyus said, grabbing her arm as she sobbed, writhing and thrashing in the sheets. “Calm down!”

  “I need him so I can sleep,” Shaya shrieked, trying to explain. “I’ve always needed him and now he’s not here. He made me like this! He made me—”

  Kyus gripped the back of her head and pressed a cool cloth over her mouth and nose and Shaya deeply breathed in a mellow, warming scent she recognized in the back of her mind—blended richwood and kerrel-dew. Immediately the scented oils calmed her, and she closed her eyes as she took another deep breath. Drowsiness came quickly and she eagerly settled down onto the pillow.

  She smiled at Kyus, barely able to register the worried expression on her face as she twisted the pillow lengthwise underneath her head and chest so she could press her cheek against it. “I like when it purrs,” she slurred to Kyus, who nodded, her eyes shining as she stroked Shaya’s forehead.

  Finally, with a deep and heavy sigh, Shaya fell asleep.

  ***

  The heavy greyness didn’t subside.

  Moments, hours, months, years… Shaya couldn’t tell how much time passed while it weighed her down, permeating every inch of her being. At first she tried to fight it, tried to pull herself from her bed and talk to Kyus when she brought her food, but she had no energy and no interest in anything beyond the pillow that wouldn’t purr for her. She couldn’t even cry anymore. Her existence became one that simply lacked everything she had known; joy, color, feeling, even fear. She felt nothing. And what was worse, she didn’t even care that she felt nothing. The only thing she wished for was the heavy luxurious purr that eluded her, and when she was awake, the emptiness in her chest where the bond had been disturbed her. She was hollow and numb from the inside out.

  Kyus tried to rouse her, bringing her favorite foods, her favorite books, even her favorite flowers from her garden. Shaya tried to engage, but she just didn’t have the interest or energy.

  Finally, Kyus drew her into her arms and hummed the melody of the lullaby she had sung to find her, stroking her arm the way she did when she was younger. “Tell me, Shaya,” she murmured. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “I don’t know,” Shaya muttered. “It’s all grey.”

  “What is grey?”

  “Everything,” Shaya said, numbly. “Everything inside me is grey. Everything outside is grey. It won’t let me go.”

  After that, Kyus forced her to get up and led her to her garden, where she spent an afternoon tending to the plants, some of which were overgrown. Shaya sat in her spot, leaning against the oak tree as she watched Kyus trying to weed. She smiled at her efforts but wouldn’t join her when her sister tried to entice her.

  Kyus took her inside to wash her hair, and when she pulled off her head wrap, discovering there wasn’t much for her wash, an overwhelming sadness pierced through the grey. Kyus covered her reaction well but Shaya knew she was disappointed, and the heaviness within her became almost unbearable. As Kyus treated her shorn hair, she softly asked what had happened, but Shaya couldn’t speak. So, as she moisturized and massaged, Kyus began talking instead.

  At first, Shaya couldn’t focus on her words, and let her s
ister’s voice fade into the background, but as Kyus continued, Shaya realized was explaining what she’d done since Shaya went to the Southern Lands.

  Kyus had suspended all of her work as a spy and spent the last six months trying to find the Southern Lands while still maintaining her position in the Western Lands. Shaya couldn’t take in everything she said, but she knew that if Kyus had stopped being a spy, she had stopped being who she was. Her sister loved her work, even lived for the cause of saving and helping Omegas, and she’d stopped doing that just to find Shaya.

  As Kyus continued to talk, Shaya suddenly realized how much she had done to try to find her—to make herself available at the right time when Shaya really needed her. How long would she have continued searching while Shaya enjoyed the embrace of her Alpha? Her sister had come for her, had never stopped trying to care for her. Shaya had to do better.

  When Kyus put her back to bed and pressed the scented cloth to her face, Shaya deeply breathed in the oils, embracing the calming influence on the greyness within her. As she settled down to sleep, she promised herself that she would make more an effort to speak to Kyus when she woke.

  ***

  A strange feeling strange pierced her awareness in her sleep.

  The bond in her chest had suddenly appeared, pulsing like a heartbeat. Shaya stilled, trying to figure out why it felt so strange. But when she tried to move, a weight was on top of her, pinning her down. Her wrists were pinned to the bed next to her head, and when her eyes fluttered open, Kardos was looking down at her, fire in his eyes.

  Before she could even gasp, his mouth crashed down onto hers, bruising her lips with a fierce consuming kiss that set her body alight. She wriggled under him, the shock of his presence urging her to escape, but as his kiss deepened she stilled. Something was different. His scent wasn’t as strong as it usually was and his touch caused an exquisite rippling sensation on her skin. He seemed slightly hazy, however, as if his physical body couldn’t settle in the space it held above her.